& my world will be coloured.

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Feeling lost ......

*~...fEeLiN': sIaNzzz...~*

Just read ger's blog....omigod....didn't expect so much to be going thru her mind....even the thought of suicide. Sighzzz.....seriously....i cannot totally understand how she feels right now cos i havent been thru it b4........but oh well....i do know the feeling of being betrayed by guy. I had liked this guy, J, for so long and so much before....but everything came to naught. I gave everything that i could.......but he just treated me like an object....have me there when he likes and just disappear when he doesnt want to have me around. What the hell........who gave them the right to do so?? Then again....they don't have that right....it's us....or rather...me who let them do that. I willingly let him shove me around......be at the beck of his call......and sit by the phone and cry when he disappears. The feeling sucks.........big time.......i had never gone thru so much pain.....not even in my relationships so far........

Yes...i digressed. Sighhzzz....reali dunno what to say after reading ger's blog. Talked to her the other day......found out that she changed so much. She's no longer the naive little girl i used to know. Not totally sure of what caused her to change so much either. I do know that the change din start after the breakup.......it was way before that....i could feel it.....and i see it coming.....it's just a matter of time. I used to think that they were the perfect couple....the "unbreakable couple".....thought he was a realli good catch and all (onli after knowing him..heh...).....but oh well....could see that they were growing further n further apart since she started staying in hall. No idea whether she knows it anot....but i felt it. She was having her own life....and it didnt fit his.....it was way too wild....for him definitely....one that he wouldnt approve or be able to accept. The ger i used to know was restricted in many ways.....the clothes she could buy.....the things she could do...etc. Her family was realli pretty strict and her sis wasnt exactly the most flexible person. Now that i think abt it......it probably played a part too. Her family would not let her go clubbing in the past......i think. But now........it seems like everthing has taken a drastic turn........she can go weeks without going home...though hall is a 2nd home.....and can do things without any restrictions. It seems like there's too much freedom for her all of a sudden...........

Whatever it is.....it's all from my point of view..............dunno whether it's true anot......but oh well.........

I dunno what to say anymore.......ger has grown up.....definitely....but has learnt her lesson through a painful way. I dun wish it on her........but perhaps that's the only way to realli learn. I just hope that she came outta it stronger than before.......... Dunno how much pain she's feeling or how much she's suffering now....i just know that it's alot.....and she's feeling terrible abt it........

Sighhzzz........sometimes i wished it hasn't happened....and that time could be turned back......and everything be back to their original state.......and i can have the old ger back.........but that cannot be..........things happen for a reason.........

Well....i realli believe that if one learns outta a bad experience....the experience probably isn't that bad after all. I guess that's the only way to be positive about all the bad experiences in life.....well...u learn not to do it again don't u?

I don't make sense in this whole post......yes i know it.....but i dun care....just wanna let my thoughts run free...........

Yes......that J guy. No idea what the hell is going thru his head. Liked him for so much then......and waited soooo long for him.....2 years....and he didnt appreciate it them....treated me like i dun mean anything....though he says a diff story. Now........it's a different story. I'm the one who doesn't care.....dun appreciate.......and he comes crawling back. Why is it that guys always want girls that they can't get?? And takes those who's there for them for granted?? Guys....who can understand them.....?

Well.....i learnt another thing....if guys can do that.......so can girls....so can i. If they can treat us like nothing.....we can treat them the same too. Everyone talks about how there are no good guys around already.............i think so too....i realli do. I still think my darling is one of the best guys around already..........but then again...u never know what the future holds. Every relationship started out sweet, nice and perfect........but ends in suffering, misery and sadness. There's nothing that can be "forever"....cos things change......humans change too......nothing is permanent in this world. You can never know what he feels tmr.....or even...the next hour...the next minute.....or the next second. I happen to think that feelings and emotions are the most volatile things in the world. They change at the blink of the eye..........sadly it does.......=(. Oh well...........don't mistake it for me being unhappy in my relationship. I'm not....im very happy in it till now.......and hopefully this will continue.......HOPEFULLY.

Well...u never know what would happen tmr do u..........

Sighhzz...realli hope ger can pick herself up this time. It's a major setback...i know. But no one can help except herself. We can encourage, motivate, and lend a helping hand....but ultimately...she has to use her own strength to pull herself up. IT's time to be independent....freedom does come with responsibilities..........

I think i learnt a lesson too.............

allie ♥ 2:59 AM