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| Saturday, January 02, 2010 |
I haven't been feeling well for the past few weeks due to the super hectic schedule and lack of sleep. At the same time, I can't let this weekend go without clearing up the mess in my room. I gave up after finishing my two shelves, table, top cupboard and two drawers. Looking at the numerous cupboards with unknown things hidden behind those deceivingly pink doors, I kinda dread the rest of this mission. Some things stared right at me, as if asking me if they can still stay. I threw them, everything, no mercy. Every single thing that's left hurts, and with one less reminder, I'll have one less thing to worry about. They have to go. This wasn't the hard part. Now when it came to those memories that I had from years ago - the cards, the little notes, the items...there were just too many. Everytime I pulled out something mysterious from the pile, it brings me back there. Tears fell again...I kept asking why, why does this keep happening. There's no urge to throw it away, not at all. Yet tears just keep coming whenever I see them. Why do I feel this way? I longed to find out... It wasn't a niggling hurt that came to me unlike those items I threw. There was a certain sadness, feeling of lost, regret. Yet I can't quite put a finger to what it is exactly. Help...why is this happening... Everything I remembered was nice and sweet. The only thing not nice was me...yet now, there's nothing more I can do anymore. You know, I really don't wanna finish this mission. I don't know why I'm being taken on this journey, not that I've actually been through the full journey before, but I feel so lost. There are times when I'm being taken somewhere, but I know for sure how I'm gonna end up, headed in which direction. This time, I dunno...I really don't. It will work out, it will, for my good...but how, I don't know. I'm not sure I wanna know what will happen....because how I feel now versus what will happen is too big a disparity. I leave it all into your hands....just wanna have a good rest now. Happy 2010 everyone :). |
| allie ♥ 9:40 PM |
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