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| Thursday, April 15, 2004 |
Hmmm..today's horoscope sounds.....well...inaccurate lo. Don't realli understand it too anyway. Went to watch movie with him today...a lot of doubts arose...as usual. I mean...the last time..before the whole episode that happened...it was this way too. Sometimes I feel that it is okay to move on...but somehow something he does made me take a step back...and feel that it isnt ok anymore. And when I feel that it isn't okay to take a further step, something he does changes my mind again. That is how the whole dilemma started. Oh well.... Seems like the talk we had last time over certain characteristics of him didn't really get ingrained.....at least dat's what i feel. If what his friends said and what I think are in line....there must be some truth in it rite....he said give him some time...well...i think so far....3 weeks is a reasonable time to see some change already rite...maybe i am expecting too much....hmmm.... I have a question. If one pays for something in excess to a friend and the "excess" is substantial enough...would one expect change? Haizzz...i have to get this out somehow....today at the movie....i paid him for the movie...in excess and substantial enough to justify....and he asked me a question..."are you expecting change?" Well....duh.....of course....i think everyone does. And I'm quite sure of that...if one dun have change, one would say in advance....or if the change is a small amount...probably one might just forget abt it and i wouldnt care. I didnt know how to answer that question....he saw my expression...and realised what he shud do. Told me that he wouldnt really expect change if he was in my situation, cos when he pays his frens, he dun expect change from them and vice versa. This leaves me with a question: does dat mean that when you pay for a movie using a 50 dollar note to your friend, you don't expect any change? And is it that if you dont have exact change you don't pay ur fren back or you usually pay like more than what u shud pay for something? Oh well....his reason for asking was that he didnt think i would be so "geh gao" over such things....somehow...a debate started....i wouldnt say argument...cos it wasnt like a real one. MY defense was that it isnt a "geh gao" or not problem....instead...it was a matter of courtesy. Any other person would probably handle the situation the same way i would, that is, to give the change back. Unless the two were close friends or that they have a certain understanding between them to eliminate that need. The least i would do is to at least offer the change back...unless they refuse from the start. That...i got nothing to say. No idea what people would think...probably will think that this is a very minor problem...but somehow...i feel that there's a someone hidden beneath the sheen that he portrays himself to be. Someone whom i don't really know much of.....that's why i can be rather confused at times. You know what....the above incident has never occurred to me before...and this was the first time...and i have to say i am taken aback. Maybe he thinks that we are close enough to eliminate that...if he does...then i have to differ. Somehow, my thinking and his don't seem to align in certain aspects...and what he told his friend about the "status" is totally different from mine! And i got pretty irritated over that. Hmmm...i really wonder whether i am being over concerned...or overly sensitive about a "small" thing like this...but somehow i feel that it sorta highlights the differences btw us. He thinks this is being "geh gao"....then what about certain things he did? I happen to think that those things he did are definitely a lot more "geh gao" than this is...not that i admit this is at all.....after all...i still think this is a matter of basic courtesy. He somehow assumes things to be a certain way...for reasons i can't seem to comprehend...though we never realli talked about this. Sighzzz.....i wonder...why can't u take things to be the way they are instead of reading like...too much into it? Or at least ask if in doubt. Perhaps you are not in doubt...if that is the case...then u assume too much. sometimes...things are better when discussed....haiz...reminds me of PS man....discussions lead to decisions...haha...oh well. If one don't communicate withe other party, then how does one know what the other party is thinking? I do hate it when one thinks i'm thinking in a way which is totally different from what i'm realli thinking....and there is one example i can cite... It seems like i can go on....and on...and on...abt this....but the incident does cast alot of doubts...all over again. Sighzz......maybe i should go talk to girl about this....see whether i am being overly sensitive or whatever. One thing i definitely i have to admit, we do have alot of differences...in terms of thinking...way of doing things and all. Sometimes we are able to see eye to eye...in other times...we can't. He don't seem to see a problem...but i do. Maybe i think too much again. Girl always says...if u decide to take the step....then put your full energy into taking that step. It makes sense....alot in fact....but I wonder if i can do that. I need some time to figure that out.....seems that i have been taking forever......sighz.....either that or just take the escape route....which is easier...i don't know....and which is better...i don't know either... |
| allie ♥ 11:25 PM |
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