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| Saturday, August 28, 2004 |
*~...fEeLiN': cOnFusEd...~* My sweet but silly little boi left me any entry in my pretty little Jordi Labanda notebook. I love readin his messages like this......surprise surprise. But this time the entry realli worries me. It is not like the usual cute cute ones with comic effect. Instead....this is a real serious piece. Sighzzz......i know that i always seems dissatisfied with what he does.......always throw tantrums......cry.....and stuff. I dont wish to do all that...realli. I guess i'm just feeling insecure and that i need some care and concern from him. He would always feel guilty about what he has done and try to "por" me.....which will eventually solve the whole problem. I realli dont mean to do that all the time.....but sometimes i really cant help it. The things he do do make me feel that he probably dont care as much as i thought he would. But on the other hand.....i know that deep down in his heart, he does care....alot. He might overlook certain things at very crucial moments.....and fail to correct certain things despite repeated reminders......but i know that it doesnt mean he dont care. I always accuse him of not caring about me whenever i throw such tantrums. And it's always because of some minor issue. But somehow......i do not that what i accuse him of is not true.....but i just want to hear the truth from his own lips.....makes me feel better that way. I have no idea why am i acting like that....feel that im a bad person.....and people might think that im a domineering gf.....but i am not! At least not in my point of view.....sighzzz.......that doesnt realli support my stand does it....well. All these tantrum episodes do have a side effect...which i have only JUST noticed. I have been selfish too.....accusing him of not caring enough for me. And thruout these times i have not realised the effect it had on him. He said he felt that he's always making me angry...........and that it's always him who makes me angry....not the other way round.......and it makes him feel like he's a bad boyfriend.........despite trying hard to be a good one........siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggghhhhhhhhhzzzzz........poor boiboi. I have not realised at all......until now.........that he feels so bad about all these....and so inferior.....he said it seems like im the perfect gf and he's the faulty bf. That is not the case!!!! I happen to think the other way round......he's always so sweet to me and yet im always the one throwing tantrums and getting angry. Arggghhhhhhhh.........what a mess...... I realli dont know where im getting to right now.......lost the way im supposed to go ....... Oh well....my dear boi......you are not a bad boyfriend......in fact....i think you are a great bf! The best one i've had so far. HOpe ya dont so bad liao...cos i realli dont mean to do all that.....realli.........i only wanted some care and concern...that's all.......... |
| allie ♥ 10:57 AM |
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