& my world will be coloured.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Thoughts....

A very very kind gesture of concern made me snap out of it yesterday. I can't be grateful enough, thank you =). Just as i was losing control of myself despite the continuous comfort and encouragement by friends, the tears just stopped when i read your email.

Was telling girl about what happened and she mentioned that there was a similar act of concern that she experienced while she was feeling hurt previously. This makes me smile. Sometimes, little acts of concern even to people you don't know can make a difference in their lives. So wherever possible, show a little concern to the people around you whom you care about, or even people you don't know but you feel there's something you might be able to do to shed some light upon their current situation.

While on my way to work today, I was just thinking about how people have a tendency to think they are good people, despite the "bad" things they may do. Realised that it takes more courage to admit that one is "bad".

Am i a bad girl? I wonder. As much as I would like to think that I'm not, there are acts that i do which undermines my "position" as a good girl. Nobody's perfect, and we just gotta accept it and try to improve ourselves as life goes on.

Words, are cheap, if not free. Having seen people who only know how to shoot their mouths off without heed to the consequences or implications involved, I've somehow derived that conclusion. I believe in the people I trust, in their words, however flighty they are. But sometimes, I just cant help but be disappointed at how little these words mean. My mum told me "when i say or promise something, i make sure i will fulfil that promise", and she did, her promise to me was fulfilled, however hard it may be to do that. Perhaps I'm too perfectionistic about this. I share the same views as my mum and will do my best to fulfill a promise. Hence, i do expect those around me to do the same. It's about time to face up to reality and believe the brutal truth that I dont wanna believe in before. Words mean little if you dont put your heart to it. As for the people I care for or once cared about, I just hope that the trust can be justified.

Perhaps i'm too trusting, too easily influenced, too soft-hearted. People around me often tell me other people have been taking advantage of my soft-heartedness. The irony of it, those who tell me that also took advantage of my soft-heartedness. Now I know why my mum is so worried about me. However steely or strong I may seem to be on the outside, inside im a complete softie who can shift her position or crumble at any time. It really doesnt take alot to hit a nerve of mine...i must admit. That's why mum keeps telling me to just let things come and go, and not let it affect me too much.

Mum's words mean alot to me, cos they hold, they always do. Perhaps I shouldn't have such conviction about the words of others...at least not yet (please dont get offended), but once proven, I will believe strongly in it =).

allie ♥ 9:24 AM