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| Thursday, February 07, 2008 |
    No idea why...but it hurts again. I give up. The harder i try, the worse it gets. I'm not going to try anymore...just gonna let it run naturally. As a person who is heart over mind...thinking just makes things worse. The more i think, the more i can't find my answers...cos the mind conflicts with the heart. Thinking back on the things i've done with my heart...there were many things. The schools i chose, the courses i took, everything was chosen by the heart. As much as mum always wanted me to go for the best schools, the the most lucrative courses, i couldn't. Because that wasn't what i truly wanted to do...and i couldn't do it. Things happen for a reason. Most of the time, mum would let me go with my heart. But at times when she intervened, usually it turned out fine. This time, when she told me she wanted me to be happy...it turned out a tad late. Everything that i wished to be accepted by her, it was eventually, but it came late. Perhaps it wasn't meant to be...and i've somehow accepted that. Hence, whatever will be will be, and i can only do my part...and try...and hope...that one day, things will turn out fine. How to define "fine"? I dunno. Perhaps it's a situation which i can accept and be happy with, and don't mind the status of things. Well, so i've decided to not think so hard. Whatever i wanna do, i will just do it. You can only live life once, once missed, it'll be gone. I need answers...though i can't get them up till now even though i've been trying. Before this, it didn't matter that much. Not i realise...it matters after all. Not to help me decide on what to do, but to answer the very questions that make all the doubts and thoughts continuously swimming in my head. Confronting my inner fears...a little paiseh to list them here right now...perhaps i will in time to come. |
| allie ♥ 5:13 PM |
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