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| Sunday, August 31, 2008 |
I remember when i was really young and attending dance classes. There was a day when we were each told to prepare a story and tell it to the class. For weeks, i've prepared and memorised the entire story and told it to my family. On the day of the storytelling event, i simply froze. Practice gone out the window and i can't even hear myself speak. The girls in the class were really cute and moved right in front of me to listen to what i had to say. It was nice and encouraging, really. But i simply could not do it. As time passes, i thought i would grow out of it, but i didn't. All those times when i had to go for piano examinations where you play for the examiner only, i froze every single time. My hands would tremble with nervousness and all the hard work and practice simply couldn't translate into actual performance. It was disappointing really. Yet time and time again, this happens. From then on, i shunned public appearances that require me to perform alone in front of people. It seems odd to me, that my mind is doing fine, yet my flesh doesn't do my bidding. Oh well... Then came secondary school. This is quite embarassing, i must say. During the start of school with an entirely new environment, i would slip away to a quiet corner during recess time and spend the time alone. That continued for about a week or so and the cycle was finally broken when my classmates asked me to go to lunch with them. Why was i so shy, so social-phobic? I have no idea....lol. People who just got to know me would never think i would be such a person back then. These memories of the past simply reminds me of the entire journey till today. Then on to university. I took a GE for singing. And as always i practised and practised, in front of the mirror, in front of my friends. But when it comes to the actual performance and examination, i froze again. Pitch gone, voice gone, power gone. Same goes for the band performance GE. You know, going thru all this, it's really disappointing each and every time...and it takes a whole lot of effort to put it behind me and start afresh again. Yet, the cycle never fails to repeat itself. The only time i truly performed was during Hall's Mid-Autumn Festival celebrations where i sang two songs. That time, the crowd simply melted away and i felt as if i was in my own world. It felt at home, comfortable and relaxed. That, was the one and only time i didn't disappoint. Countless disappoints, all down to the same common denominator. I wonder if this cycle's gonna end. I want it to end. I don't want to be like this anymore. I know i cannot do it myself, it simply doesn't work. Praying for a miracle, trusting in the Lord that this shall come to pass... You Deserve by Hillsong United What is this love given to us That saved my life through selfless sacrifice Although we fail the cross prevails Forgiveness stands You take me back again You've shown me life You've opened my eyes So I give you my praise Yeah I give you my all You've shown me life You've opened my eyes To the truth that there's no greater love Now in the darkness God's light shines Christ forever glorified So come on come on sing out to God Now with all we've got We live for you our God Salvation's strong in Christ alone The Saviour King alone in victory I step aside five you my life For you to move Do what you want to do I can't imagine life without you without you Cause it's all for you Yeah it's all for you, God |
| allie ♥ 12:12 AM |
| Saturday, August 30, 2008 |
Mum requested for Secret Kisses Cookies, which was easy to make and super duper yummy, a definite crowd favourite! I have no idea this the number what time i've baked this, but this shall be called Secret Kisses Cookies Part 2! Armed with my latest toy, I went snap-happy! This is the workstation with the cookie army...unbaked ones on the tray in the background. .JPG) The mountain of Secret Kisses Cookies! .JPG) Inside of the cookie, with the melted kisses oozing from the crisp crumbly outer casing. .JPG) Packed with love...haha. .JPG) These are for my cousins (who are mostly boys) but heck, i only have Hello Kitty plastic wrapping in my inventory! Hmmm....i wonder what they'll say to this....>.< .JPG) .JPG) Mission Accomplished! Mood: Satisfied xD OT abit...here are some overdue pics from the Loli "excursion"! It was fun trying out all the gorgeous Loli dresses, though i was too paiseh to keep trying >.<. Presenting Loli Allie!  Loli Sylvia!  Lolis Alanna and Sylvia! They look extreeeemely cute here!  |
| allie ♥ 2:16 PM |
Well, i spent about 2 days searching for options other than the Sony T70 and the Panasonic Lumix FX38 - the first two that really caught my mind (and my heart) and found many many choices...from the Olympus mju to Canon Ixus and even to Samsung. But in the end, it was still a toss between the very extreeeeeeeeeeeeeemely pretty and stylish pink Sony T70 and the cool and functional pink Panasonic Lumix FX38. Well, Panasonic won hands down, and the difference lies in some pre-conditioning...heh. I can forsee some camera-whoring times ahead! Working OT today, mummy dearest asked me to bake some cookies for my cousin's bday celebration, though i actually wanted to bake for a friend's bday too. Hence ended up doing for both! Here's what i managed to do after almost 3 hours: .JPG) .JPG) Second try at the soft and chewy chocolate chip cookies from Martha Stewart's book, at the request of mum! Silly me forgot to buy almonds for cookie kisses, hope i'll wake up early enuff to head out to grab some. Yawnsssss...time for bed! |
| allie ♥ 1:50 AM |
| Saturday, August 23, 2008 |
Witnessed so many things - the good, the bad and the ugly...and saw sides of people i've never seen before. Seems like the world is not as beautiful as i used to think it was... Mum says there are plenty of people who are like this...true...but i refuse to act like them. That wouldn't be me...in fact...that would be the entirely opposite of who i am and what i stand for. I guess people never fail to disappoint, then again, there are people who never fail to surprise and bring you joy. Perhaps it's not that bleak a world after all. Mum asked me, "what's the point of standing up for people if they don't do the same for you". I answered, "When you are being blamed for something you didnt do, don't you wish someone will stand up for you? Even if that person don't do the same for me, I'll feel better if i did what i felt was right." Mum just laughed it off. I said, "Maybe i'm too naive for this world." Mum said, "You just have to learn to handle such people." One of the many life lessons learnt. On another note, here's some overdue pics from National Day. I've never been so patriotic in my entire life till this day - look at my face and wrists!  Me with the giant paddle to form the human National flag!  Join the patriotic club! With some of my besties!  The huggggeee crowd...in red and white!  The black knights (if that's what you call them) drawing a heart shape in the sky....so pretty...  Their performance was my highlight for the entire NDP...and there were plenty of heart-stopping moments!  All in all, despite the crowd, the rain and the lousy view, it was lotsa fun!  By the way, if you're wondering why am i not in red on National Day, here's the reason... .JPG) Office had a red/white theme the day before and i wore my red/white top for that. No more red left for National Day >.<. Yes...shall start to stock up on red apparel...lol. Off to bed now, catch ya all soon! |
| allie ♥ 12:14 AM |
| Monday, August 18, 2008 |
Today ends an exciting week - the last day of the swimming finals at the Olympics. Watching my favourite athlete of this games throughout the entire period, every moment has been a wonderful one. Following the journey, his journey to achieving a great dream, an impossible dream, and ended as an amazing possibility that no one else dared to dream of. It's true...you only get to see this kind of athlete once in a lifetime...definitely beats the rest hands down. Dreams...a sensitive topic to me at this point, also the number one topic in my head right now. The message to me was clear and sure, all i have to do is to acknowledge and to act. The week passed by like a dream...it'll go down as one of the most memorable week of my entire life...simply because it'd brought back many recollections of the past and a whole host of other things close to my heart. It's complex, at times confusing, yet ever so motivating. So tired now...tomorrow's the first day with no swimming to look forward to...and i wonder if i can wake up (chuckles). But one thing's sure, i'm going to sleep with a big smile on my face... "Nothing is impossible. All it takes is an imagination" M.Phelps |
| allie ♥ 12:30 AM |
| Saturday, August 16, 2008 |
Witnessing Michael Phelps make history in such style, this is not going to happen very often. He's such an inspiration in each and every way. This week passed like a dream...a dream in many ways. It's complex to explain, though i did provide a glimpse of it in my last post. Eat, sleep and dream Olympics for the past week, i finally began to see what the Lord wanted to show me. There's a road in front of me, choices of paths which i can choose to take...and it's up to me to decide which route i'll rather go. Revealing little by little, bit by bit, the picture unravels, the path is clear. There's an urge, a tug at my heart that i've never had before. I know what i wanna do. Recalling what CGL said yesterday, "just feel for the switch, if you hit the wrong one, it's ok, there'll still be light, but just keep on hitting it and you'll hit the right one eventually". That stuck with me. Boy, what a week i've had...an eventful one indeed. Not one to show for, but one which settles and answers the many questions i've had in my heart. The week also saw a different side of me...the side that only comes out once every 4 years. This is the time when I become a hopelessly crazy fan, watching each and every move of the "star" of the meet. Scary...even to myself...haha....yet oblivious to the opinions of others. If you knew what was driving it, perhaps it wouldn't be thought of as crazy =). Moving on, i'm glad i went for CG. The questions i've been asking were answered and the doubts and confusion i've had were gone. If there are no testings, no adversity, we wouldn't grow and become stronger. Somehow, i've learnt to appreciate the negative points in life more than ever now. And one thing really stuck with me - "Grace is not to make us soft, it is to make us stronger". Boy, as i began to see it come through, the line simply answers it. There. |
| allie ♥ 12:33 PM |
| Saturday, August 09, 2008 |
That was my thought after watching the four-hour long opening ceremony for the 29th Olympics. The entire event took my breath away. Thoughts, emotions and memories flooded my mind during the entire course of the event...from my childhood till now. The Olympics always had a special place in my heart, more special than any sporting event in the world, including the Euro and the World Cup. I always thought i was the biggest fan of the Olympics (regardless of what others say and i don't care :P)...and in my heart, I am. Fyi, some of what you're gonna read came from a deep corner of my heart. Things that i've never told anyone ever before that has been with me for some time. I still remembered the time when i first watched Olympics as a child, and that was in 1996 at the Atlanta Games. I was stuck in front of the tv the entire day, throughout the 16-day competition, glued to everything that's unfolding in front of me. But of course, the interest in sport started way before....if i never recall wrongly...it started from the 1993 SEA Games. That was the time i first saw Joscelin Yeo reign in the pool, and from then on i aspired to be a swimmer. Lol...that never materialised...cos i never had the courage to tell anyone about my aspiration, never had the courage to do what i wanted, and was never given the opportunity. Well, there goes one dream... And then came the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta where i witnessed my favourite swimmer then - Alexander Popov, pit himself against the infamous Gary Hall Jr (I hope i remember right). Those were the days. And Sydney 2000, my favourite Games of all time, cos it was held in Australia. I was a HUGE fan of Australia, be it in swimming, soccer, track, or basically any sport which i see their athletes in, i would root for them. The obsession came to a point where i even knew how to sing their national anthem (lol). Yes, I was that crazy. Then, there was my all-time idol - Ian Thorpe, an amazing sportsman whom i will always love and admire. Watching him swim against the worlds best - Pieter van den Hoogenband and Grant Hackett, among the rest. In my eyes, he was the best then, and the best ever...lol. Of cos, who can forget my dear Alexis Nemov, my favourite gymnast! The cutest, sexiest gymnast alive...lol. Perhaps the reason why i loved Sydney most was because my favourite athletes ruled the games (at least for me >.<)...haha. Athens 2004 didn't leave much of an impression for me, perhaps because i couldn't spend enough time watching it as i was staying in hall. Thorpey wasn't his clinical best either...but always the best to me. Now Beijing 2008. Beijing was my DREAM. THE dream. When Beijing was given the 2008 games 7 years ago, i told myself. This is THE games - the games which i will go for. This is MY dream, a dream that i will need to live in 2008. Then came 2008, and the dream again wasn't fulfilled. Watching the event unfold on television...it seemed so near yet so far. I kept telling myself "This was MY dream...a dream that i sooo badly want to fulfill...but lost track along the way." Now, i had to be contented watching MY dream on tv... and sadly so. I don't want any unfulfilled dreams anymore. I WANT to fulfill the next dream i have and i MUST fulfill it. Life is simply too short. Moving on...i've always loved reading sports columns in newspapers...ever since i was 11 and reading the EPL pages in The New Paper. I always enjoyed the humour, the wittiness and the entertainment they provided me throughout the years. Hence then, i aspired to be a sports journalist. And yes, it was never fulfilled as well...and i have no idea if it'll ever be fulfilled. Perhaps that's just not meant to be....haha... Well, concluded after the games ended that i will not want any regrets anymore. Time to live my dream and to make effort in living it. Currently I have two in mind...and as usual...Allie keeps them to herself =). Shalom. |
| allie ♥ 12:10 AM |
| Monday, August 04, 2008 |
It's funny how an incident like this can lead to something else... Those close to me know what i'm mighty afraid of and yes, giant flying roaches are one of those. Despite playing hide and seek and scaring me outta my wits twice by appearing behind my shoulder, daddy failed to discover it. Only on the third try did he see it, though after it'd gave me the final scare first. Bursting into tears, i sat on the living room couch and cried while daddy battles the roach. Flooded with thoughts yet i couldn't make sense of any of them... When all was done, i went back to my pink haven. Daddy held up the pink bouquet with two heart clips attached and told me to throw it away. I said ok. Down the chute it went and the tears came raining down. There goes the nine-month-old memories in its entirety. For a moment, everything came flooding back, the pain, the hurt, the unwillingness. And in a flash, after pouring everything out, it went away too. I wonder what all these mean. Perhaps it's not about finding the right answers but going with the flow. Before that, i was so set on stashing everything into one corner that cant be found nor reminded. But as time ticks on, i softened. Then came the ultimatum, in my emotional worst, and there it goes. As the story continues to unfold, everything will become clearer in time to come. Time to wipe my tears away... |
| allie ♥ 10:54 PM |
| Sunday, August 03, 2008 |
And so tired allie went home to bake some banana bread! (Lol...no link) .JPG) It was yummy! Loved the taste of fresh bananas, instead of the strong banana essence taste that i tend to find outside. It was moist, soft, not-too-sweet...just right for my taste! And not surprisingly, my family and I polished off two entire loaves in three days >.<. Me <3 baking...would have done it more often if not for the people watching their waistlines at home...heh. Yesterday's youth concert was awesome. I had loads and loads of fun jumping and singing. Somehow, i felt like a Dare student, at least for a day >.<. Lol. Today I was late for service...thought we wouldn't get any seats in the main audi...but guess what? We were shown to first row seats (hurray!)! It felt a little awkward cos i would much rather be part of the crowd. But it was great seeing Pastor, the worship leaders and the other leaders up close on stage. Heh...definitely a treat! Today's service was a continuation from last week's. And the more i listen to it and think about it, the more important the message came across to me. Something else Prince said struck me too - there's no glory when you submit to someone stronger/greater than you. It sent waves of thoughts through me at that point...it's just...so true... You know, these days when i blog about things or people, the focus is not really on them anymore. I've had responses from some who read my posts...but to me, what i've written is a description of my personal journey...a journey with Christ...a journey of exploration, growth and love. Sometimes, i feel kinda noob when i read my own posts and can't help comparing with what the others say and receive. Then thinking again, it's not about who's walking or running faster or whether someone's ahead of you, ths journey is a personal one and each lap is a wonderfully enjoyable process...abba Father knows best and he'll open the doors when the time is right. "The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace." Numbers 6:24-26 |
| allie ♥ 9:07 PM |
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