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| Sunday, August 29, 2004 |
*~...fEeLiN': sAd...aGain...~* I am sooo tired....so blardy tired by repeating the same act of being disappointed....then forgiving and forget.......the same scene repeats itself.....the characters are tired of playing the same scene....and the audience are tired of watching the same scene....... Yet,,,,i cannot not forgive........cos i love him............and cant bear to stay angry at him...........each time....i feel the same way.........although it always happens....nothing can make me sadder than him leaving me..............dont ever leave me alone at a time like this...........if you dont wanna c me sad............i might be sad.......but it breaks my heart if u leave.........and nothing hurts more than that........... Think you must be tired too......the scene repeats itself.....you have to act it out again.......and say the same lines all over again............then why does the actions have to be the same? One small change and the scene will be entirely different.....characters wont be tired........ I know its hard....................and i dont expect much..............if u do realise.....my reactions are getting much subdued......no more outbursts etc..........soon...........i prob wont even have a reaction at all........maybe you will be happier that way? It wont make you sad anymore...........if you need time.........i will need time too................perhaps the time will come when we both reach that state.............. He sleeps.........ever so soundly.........so peaceful.....so free...........of worries........of emotions..........of feeling................but i cant help but feel alone.............sighzzz...... I love spending time with him as much as he loves to spend it with me..................but i cant help reacting the way i did whenever it happens again.................kept telling myself to let it go....let it pass.....but somehow.....i cant control it. Im not known for being a well-controlled person in terms of my emotions..........so there goes....again.............. Hopefully i will learn my lesson......... Nothing makes me happier than to see him happy.........just like when he got his hair done and was totally bursting with happiness and pride.........and nothing makes me more sad than to see him sad..........just like when he scolds himself for being a bad bf........... i wonder if he knew......... sighzzz....... why are we hurting each other like that........ I wonder........ should i change rather than wait for him to change......... I guess you cant expect people to change....... though you can make yourself change........ |
| allie ♥ 10:43 PM |
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