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| Sunday, August 31, 2008 |
I remember when i was really young and attending dance classes. There was a day when we were each told to prepare a story and tell it to the class. For weeks, i've prepared and memorised the entire story and told it to my family. On the day of the storytelling event, i simply froze. Practice gone out the window and i can't even hear myself speak. The girls in the class were really cute and moved right in front of me to listen to what i had to say. It was nice and encouraging, really. But i simply could not do it. As time passes, i thought i would grow out of it, but i didn't. All those times when i had to go for piano examinations where you play for the examiner only, i froze every single time. My hands would tremble with nervousness and all the hard work and practice simply couldn't translate into actual performance. It was disappointing really. Yet time and time again, this happens. From then on, i shunned public appearances that require me to perform alone in front of people. It seems odd to me, that my mind is doing fine, yet my flesh doesn't do my bidding. Oh well... Then came secondary school. This is quite embarassing, i must say. During the start of school with an entirely new environment, i would slip away to a quiet corner during recess time and spend the time alone. That continued for about a week or so and the cycle was finally broken when my classmates asked me to go to lunch with them. Why was i so shy, so social-phobic? I have no idea....lol. People who just got to know me would never think i would be such a person back then. These memories of the past simply reminds me of the entire journey till today. Then on to university. I took a GE for singing. And as always i practised and practised, in front of the mirror, in front of my friends. But when it comes to the actual performance and examination, i froze again. Pitch gone, voice gone, power gone. Same goes for the band performance GE. You know, going thru all this, it's really disappointing each and every time...and it takes a whole lot of effort to put it behind me and start afresh again. Yet, the cycle never fails to repeat itself. The only time i truly performed was during Hall's Mid-Autumn Festival celebrations where i sang two songs. That time, the crowd simply melted away and i felt as if i was in my own world. It felt at home, comfortable and relaxed. That, was the one and only time i didn't disappoint. Countless disappoints, all down to the same common denominator. I wonder if this cycle's gonna end. I want it to end. I don't want to be like this anymore. I know i cannot do it myself, it simply doesn't work. Praying for a miracle, trusting in the Lord that this shall come to pass... You Deserve by Hillsong United What is this love given to us That saved my life through selfless sacrifice Although we fail the cross prevails Forgiveness stands You take me back again You've shown me life You've opened my eyes So I give you my praise Yeah I give you my all You've shown me life You've opened my eyes To the truth that there's no greater love Now in the darkness God's light shines Christ forever glorified So come on come on sing out to God Now with all we've got We live for you our God Salvation's strong in Christ alone The Saviour King alone in victory I step aside five you my life For you to move Do what you want to do I can't imagine life without you without you Cause it's all for you Yeah it's all for you, God |
| allie ♥ 12:12 AM |
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Allie. Love. Princess
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