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| Monday, October 26, 2009 |
To him, and to her, I'm always the wrong one, always the one who needs to change. Did I resist change? No. Does anyone know that I tried? No. I have to try to fulfill it, at the same time remain optimistic and not plunge into depression because of all the unhappiness resulting from these expectations. To them, everyone else is wrong. The scenario I was faced with yesterday was ever so familiar. Telling all of us how we don't value her, ALL of us. I admitted I was wrong and what did she tell me? That I wasn't, that she was wrong. I agree with her also wrong, disagree, even more wrong. Nothing we say is right. Trust me, if you were in my shoes for one day, you would totally understand what I mean. But yet, there are people who love to think they know everything, the cause and effect and how my religion is the cause for all the unhappiness around me. Some people just love it when other people can't sleep because of them, can't breathe, can't eat, can't live properly because of them. They get all the attention, and take it for granted that they will get the attention. Every time she walks away, it reminded me of how I used to do that. Whenever I wasn't happy, I would walk away, knowing that people would come after me. But did I ever realise how much hurt I was doing to those who love me? No, not until I was the one who had my loved ones walking away from me. If you knew how much it took for the battered self to keep on chasing, keep on following the person who walked away, out of care, out of love, out of concern...if only you knew. Watching how daddy followed her despite her stubbornness, how daddy kept her company all night despite having to work and drive the next morning, how daddy was patient with her despite all the unreasonableness, how she was loved despite all that happened, I cried. I lagged behind, taking all this in my sight, tears flowing uncontrollably. I spent the entire day crying, the scene reminded me of familiar scenarios I've been in. The hurt inflicted on me, the hurt I inflicted on others, all coming back at once. I couldn't care less who is looking, and watched the sad faces of the two guys around me, and the angry face of hers. Hello....we are a family. All along I only heard her side of the story, never my dad's side. All along it was about what she suffered throughout the years, hence it resulted in the behaviour today. This story sounds so familiar, just like what he told me isn't it. What he suffered at the hands of others, what he went through, hence resulting in the him today. Other people are human as well. If you don't want to be subjected to the same treatment, don't treat others like this. I admire daddy for his patience and endurance, I gave up already, but he didn't. Just like how a person I remember never gave up on me. If only she knew how painful it is for him. It probably doesn't matter, cos what she went through is far worse than what others experienced. I cry, I get scolded. He scolds me, bro scolds me, mum scolds me. I can't even cry properly in front of the people who claim they love me. I don't need you to fuss over me, all I need to freedom to cry. You don't even need to ask or comfort me, cos I know once I wake up the next day, everything will be fine. It's too tiring to hold on to sadness and anger overnight. Someone will tell me, stop acting pitiful. Lol. If only I know how to act... Disclaimer: If anybody THINKS I'm referring to you here, I wasn't. The person I'm referring to already knows it, without a doubt. |
| allie ♥ 12:12 PM |
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