& my world will be coloured.

Thursday, May 06, 2004

kTv mAkEs Me hIgh...

*~...fEeLiN': KiNdA dOwn.......~*

Dunno why...but always seem to be feeling down these days. Today's KTV and lunch with ger did perk me up a bit. Seems like i always need people around me to be happier these days.....whenever i'm left alone...i feel.....well.....a little down...in a sense aniwae. Realli feel like going on a shooooopppping spree...but desperately in need of some cash$$$$$ for that....sighz....and cash is realli hard to come by...especially when i'm not in the mood to work. Need to find some excitement and motivation to go work. Maybe i need a change of environment? Haha.......that's just a lame excuse la.....

Well well....was realli looking forward to meeting up with the old frens today. Had a nice chat and lunch with ger.....before going for KTV.....it was fun la....cept that i hate my singing today...think it realli sucked. Hate days when i cant seem to sing properly...my voice came out rather throaty today...lack feeling.....lack range.....and lack change. Sighz......but at least i dun haf a sore throat...which is rather rare for me after a KTV session. Think i realli need to update my list of songs too. By the way...think ger and peg sang realli well....they realli improved a lot in their singing man...it seems....haha....good for you guys...=). And peg.....finally can hear her singing voice...her real singing voice...cos usually she sings realli soft and her voice sound like a young child's....haha...always told her that....but now....it came out very clear and girly and sweet........huge change it seems...but for the better! Hee....and ger's voice was stronger than before it seems...very good too. Somehow...i do get upset when i'm not very happy at the KTV session. I kinda go a little high towards the end...but still....very unhappy cos i din sing the way i wud have liked. Sighzzz........

I kinda came to a conclusion......about the previous issue. Hmmm...think i'm kinda "right" to be unhappy over his treatment of me....cos if he treated me the way he did...it wouldnt make ani difference between me going out with my galfrens and going out with a guy. Because if i were to carry my own bags...buy my own food...and foot the bill separately with my other frens...and go home myself without ani other thingy....it realli wouldnt be ani different compared to going out with the gals.....

Had a sorta "talk" with him yesterday nite......told him about all the stuff i was unhappy about...he ended up defending himself....as i had expected. He hated being compared to YX....which i knew.....but still compared him with YX.....cos i was unhappy......and purposely did that to spite him....haha.....i know i am being bad.....but oh well....i was unhappy ma. And he sorta gave me the excuse that he would forget to ask the girls to give him a call when they reach home and whatsoever...which i refused to accept cos i said that that wasnt supposed to be a formality. If one was genuinely concerned about another's safety or welfare....one would NOT forget to do such things....hence it is obvious that it wasnt very important to him and that he onli treat the whole procedure as a mere formality....which i wasnt very happy about. Oh well.........he also said that he preferred to ask whether i need any help with the bags instead of "grabbing and insisting" on carrying them....haha...he misquoted my words again...as usual....and i told him i hate being misquoted. Didnt realli accept that defence too........but forgotten what i said. Yeah....and he said that there is a difference between pampering girls and serving them head and foot. Wah....cant believe this. If by not doing the stuff i mentioned was onli pampering then he was waaaaaaaaaaaaay wrong man.........and by doing that it means serving head and foot? Not by any chance lo...... I just told him that to me....the difference between the two types would mean whether i am going out with gals or guys...and that if he didnt do those i mentioned...it wouldnt make any difference between going out with the gals and him. Haha...and when i talked about the comparison btw him and my guyfrens...he said that the difference is what makes things diff between us....haha....i feel that is kinda funny. And i told him that that shudnt be the difference.....cos that is the basic courtesy expected of guys.....if that was the difference that was supposed to be between us.....then what is the diff between him and the other gals. The difference is supposed to be in other areas and not that.

Argued for quite awhile...then he said that he realli didnt feel like saying anything more...cos whatever he said it would seem like he's making excuses for himself. Well....i just summed up what i was trying to say.....and went to sleep without waiting for a reply. Ended on a pretty bad note i guess......sighzz. but somehow....i feel that that has to be said....if i hadnt been said.....things would have accumulated and could have made things worse i feel. I think he doesnt think that he has any problems with his bahaviour and all. But i think he does. Perhaps i was too quick to judge....and unfair to compare him with other guys....but somehow...and sooner or later.....he still has to do all those....or else...I have no idea how i can live with that. If anything has to go wrong...it has to be now. whatever that happens later....or comes out of this.....guess i'll just wait and see....dun realli wanna think...and dun realli wanna go correct anything......just let things be....kinda tired liao........all up to him right now......sighhzzz

allie ♥ 10:55 PM