& my world will be coloured.

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

sIgH....dUnO wHeRe tIs Is gOiNg....

*~...fEeLiN': bLuEe...~*

haha...ger ar....yes yes u do fit my expectations for a guy.....ALL except for the exterior part? Which i havent gone to it....haha.....and u KNOW the first thingy...need to be taller than me. Haha......if i do get sick of guys one day....u would probably be 1st choice liao.....aniwae...u R my les partner already!!! haha...not counted....=P

A fren of mine was sorta responding to my previous previous blog post.....and said that it wasnt very fair of me to compare him with my guyfrens. Oh well....the reason why is because even if my guy frens already treat me like that...i expect equal treatment...if not more from him ya noe. and u asked why not i get hitched to my guy frens instead if i prefer them to mr crabby....it's not that i prefer them to him......that is not the case......it's just that he lack certain qualities or rather.....he fails to do certain things that i expect of a guy....doesnt mean that he's inferior to my other guy frens in other sense. I mean...there's a good and bad side to everyone...yeah.....and his negative one happens to be his lack of gentlemanly qualities. But comparing him with my other guy frens.....dat was because they are all like....similar ages....uni people...and yet there are huge differences in treatment...thats why i think that realli shudnt be. Have been thinking of why there is such a difference....went back to our loooooong talk in the midst of the exams. Oh well......reason cud be due to his lack of dating experience. He might not admit it...but i can tell....as usual. Seriously....he onli had 1 girlfriend before for two months...the rest were just on and off stuff.....and the last gf also complained about his lack of gentlemanly behaviour. Though that can be one reason.....but somehow i also think that these actions i expect come from the heart...though they can be learned.....but mostly cos of their character. I know i complain alot about him....and i do hate certain qualities about him....but i do like some other qualities about him too....like how he always cheers me up when i'm down...and always offer me comfort when i need it....always had the right words to comfort me....unlike some of my other frens who can make things worse. That's why usually there arent any major complaints unless we go out or something. I realli wanna tell him whatever i'm thinking of right now.....but dun think it's the right time...being in the midst of exams. Then again...dunno whether i shud....cos no point telling him and getting him to change right.....i mean...he might change cos i want him to and not because he wwanted to himself? Then that wouldnt be what i want....the change doesnt come from the heart.

Makes me think back again....remember i complained about shaun's ungentlemanly behaviour before also? Even he will message me asking whether i'm home...haha...even he does it lo. So somehow....i would realli like to find out what's going on in his mind leh.....why is it that he doesnt seem to notice such things. He does have a certain impression on himself....and does NOT take hints....haha...whenever i say something...he thinks i'm referring to YX....when i'm actually referring to he himself....haha. Oh well....i do think some of the qualities i expect are definitely important in a guy...at least some. But these can be learned.......he does learn fast....like when i told him about what YX does with my bags or shopping bags...he immediately changed his behaviour....though that was funny...haha....and it felt kinda forced....but hopefully he does realise that there needs to be a permanent change in the behaviour.

Yes yes...i know i have been complaining alot about him....but other than those things i complain about....he does treat me very well. Except when whenever he does things that realli get on my nerves....they sorta undo everything good that he did in the past.....knowing my character.....but when the whole thing subsides....i will start thinking objectively again. It's all these highs and lows that realli make me unable to decide what i realli want. But in this case i wud probably just give it a last chance......if nothing can be done about this then i would just forget it. If i cant get what i want from someone....then no point dragging the whole thing right. And i dont think i am realli asking for alot....it's not like i want him to always give in to me and be dictated by me...and be on call all the time...or be tall dark handsome rich with 5 Cs or anything like dat ma......just expecting the basic things i usually find in the guys around me.

"....my weekend wasn't fantastic too k...keep doin the silliest things when im wif u...sighz. Somtimes i really wonder where dat stupid brain has gone too.Guys...if there's one thing to learn : Learn how to be natural in front of gers....they juz have dat neck to notice whether u r really tryin to be sumtg u ain't....yeah n datrz a fact."

This is what i got from his supposed blog. It seems like he does do the silliest things whenever he's out with me. But i dont think it's an excuse to do so. Girls like to be taken care of and to do so....one must take care of oneself first rite? He doesnt seem to do that in the first place.....and he better or else i wud be realli put off when my limit of tolerance wears off. Sighzz......i do think these things can be solved.....though i'm not realli hoping.....but just waiting for things to sorta come into place by itself. Whether they realli do will depend on him lo....c how it goes i guess. Seems like he realli does remember what i said...and if it does continue.......hmmm.......dun wish to think.....just wait...and c how.... I think the least he cud do is to help carry bags and all......and seeing me home or at least call me to make sure i'm home and all...and to help me get tickets...order food n stuff.....yeah....

Do agree that he does take my safety for granted....hate to think about that...but yeah...it seems like he does. That realli shudnt be......sighzzzz.....

Somehow....i think i'm making him rather unconfident n insecure about himself....at least thats from what i see. He tries to look confident and put up sorta like...a front in front of me....but sadly....i can always tell. Thats why i always tell him to just be natural and not try too hard....cos it always makes things worse. Also that's why i feel like i cant realli judge him objectively...cos he's not realli being himself.....and that wudnt be fair. I'm complaining cos of my own expectations of his behaviour....of his lack of qualities i expect. So he does not fulfill some of the criteria i do expect. But then again i wonder if im realli being fair to him cos he might be acting that way because of some other reason and not because he dun want to. Sigh....dats why i realli dunno.....

feel like im not making sense here....cant think properly...dun wish to think either.....guess will just say whatever that needs to be said and let things take it course? Perhaps ger....u r rite....that i probably shud just look for another guy who does fit the criteria....but then....he might lack some other qualities too....something he may have. Guess it's a give n take situation.....unlesss i meet the perfect guy? Haha...wonder when will it be....hmmm......waiting and waiting. And if u do realise...i complain about every other guy fren too......different stuff in different cases...except that for his case i complain more cos i spend quite some time with him. But his problem.....i do think it's rather big....cos it seems like it onli lacks in him...while not in the others.....hmmmm.....but oh well...as i said....i wud just say things that need to be said and let things take its course lo...make sense?

Well.....dun make sense animore it seems.....haha...heck la. Excited about KTV tomorrow.....but after that...starting work again...sighz......feel like slackin....but once i think of the money...it perks me up again. aha.......cos i still wanna make a trip overseas ma....my motivation to work.....hope everyone enjoys ktv tomorrow.....yay....going to sing..........even matt realised i have been talking alot abt ktv these days...haha...shows how excited i am. Hope tomorrow will be a goooooooood day....hee =)

allie ♥ 11:18 PM