& my world will be coloured.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Terribly unstable these days

I think i am terribly unstable these days....not mentally, but emotionally.

I cry easily...and once the tap is turned on, it never stops.

I wonder why. At this rate, crying 4 times a week....it's getting a little overbearing and it's having a negative effect on my mood, motivation and confidence level.

I admit that i'm extremely upset these days. Even small little things never fail to upset me. Take for example today. An internship administration cockup freaked me out for more than 2 hours even after the problem was solved and this eventually reduced me to tears. I have no idea how the tears ran but it just did as i was sleeping on the train. I didn't feel anything then, i wasnt thinking about anything then..........my tears just ran.....and ran....and ran.....

Had a rough week really. Anything that could go wrong went wrong for me. But im seriously not in the mood to repeat the events again......in fear of accidentally turning on the tap.

All i want these days is just a BIG hug from my dear bearie and for him to tell me not to worry and that he will be there for me. He's been soooo patient with me really throughout this whole week.

This must have been the worst week of my life ever. I had never screwed up my life as i did in the past week. I hate to be reminded...but here i am once again reminding myself of the events that happened. Shit....i refuse to recollect, or go through that entire thought process again.

For the past week, i went to class, trainings, meetings, and whatever social arrangements i had with a moody face, a tired face, a resigned face. I wasn't ready to face the world and i didnt want to face it. But i had to, and was thrown into the entire mess which was created just for me. I had no one to turn to....no one could save me. I could only drown into the deep deep mess......

I wish i could just close my door, lay on my bed and cry my heart out.....but that would make me feel more miserable.... I wish i had a bear to hug......here, now. I cant control it anymore.......it's coming again....

allie ♥ 12:28 AM