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Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Life's lessons
Something someone said to me about me made me cry ...

In the last service, Pastor Prince said "Only when you are able to disregard what what others think of you, that's when you can help others". I went back and ponder, wondering if that can be true, though i never found the answer. Today it struck me...it holds some truth after all.

Many times i've stepped on other people's toes and received big reactions. I've accepted and learnt.

Many times i've stepped on other people's toes and received no reaction. I've accepted and learnt.

Many times i have no idea what i've done and received big reactions. I've accepted...and starting to learn...

Maybe i've done right, maybe i've done wrong. I dunno. Does it matter? I dunno.

Things get thrown at me for all sorts of reasons. My bro who said i'm "pot calling kettle black". Fine...if you say so. Other people who say all sorts of things about me. Fine, if you say so.

Today when i heard everything, i simply felt hurt...and tired. Thinking back on what i used to do, i simply defend, defend, defend. What am i defending? Why am i defending? I dunno. I see no cause for that now, no reason to do so. Why does it matter?

The scenes kept replaying in my head...tried to push them away but they kept coming back. Thinking about what i've done wrong...and i simply had no answer. I felt i was the same every day, including today. Whatever it is, i accept everything said to me about me. Sometimes, answers don't really matter...how one deals with the matter on hand matters more.

No sarcasm intended...just plain honesty, truthfulness, reflections. Tears are shed, heart is broken, but ultimately it'll pass.

Pastor Joshua onced asked "why fight flesh with flesh?" Somehow it made total sense.

I'm probably not making sense in this post...just needed to let out the feelings cooped inside me. Tears threatened to fall for a long time...and finally it fell. I feel relieved. And no, i don't feel wronged, don't feel miserable or anything. Just needed an outlet for some pent-up emotions....that's all =).
allie ♥ 10:10 PM
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