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| Thursday, September 17, 2009 |
I know i shouldn't be beating myself up about it, but i do. I wish I could really do everything. But who cares about whether I'm happy or not? So what if i've done everything? When I cry, nobody cares still. When ppl walk away, i still have to chase. When I walk away, i still have to contend with being alone. So what if i did? A simple outing becomes a non-event. Simple happiness turned into floodwaters that never ceases. Who cares about whether I retain any part of what makes me the person I am. Who cares about whether I'm happy doing all these. Who cares about my life, my health, my wellness, my happiness? As it all turned out, no one does. It cannot coexist, cannot. I told myself to be strong. Yet all the strength translated into tears upon the closure of my room door. The nights spent hiding beneath my blanket, wetting my sheets with tears. Days spent with hourly drops of eye mo to wet my dehydrated eyes. I feel so helpless...the tears just won't stop. I'm just being pushed to one corner...does anyone know how it feels? I want to do so, very much....very much! But who cares about me? Who cares about how much my heart hurts right now? Sometimes I wish I'm more hardhearted. Take things in my stride and just refuse to cry or look back anymore. But I'm not. Why? The pain in my heart just keeps coming, more and more painful each time I breathe. And nobody knows or cares...how do I get used to this. I need to... Drop me a line if you care......it hurts...way too much... |
| allie ♥ 10:03 PM |
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