& my world will be coloured.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Thoughts...

Almost couldn't wake up for work this morning. Had a looong week which i was out almost every day and yesterday was another early morning, late night day again. Tired...need to catch up on my sleep this week.

I'm fine...though feeling abit odd...but i'm fine. Went for a gathering that i didn't really wanna go and was convinced to do otherwise. Haha...that line sounds funny...like trying to give a reason for another unknown reason...but yeah..i know better :P.

Did i feel outta place? Nope.
Did i feel like i shouldn't be there? Nope.
Did i feel awkward? Yes, sometimes.
Did i feel like going home? Not really.
Did i enjoy myself? Yep, i did.

I guess that just answers about everything :).

Denson was really entertaining, talked about many stories from the air force that made all of us laugh. His wife was really nice too, friendly, approachable and interesting. Glad i had the chance to talk to them yesterday.

Sometimes people ask me why i make myself go through this. I guess they feel sad or pained to see me like how i was like before. But i'm glad things happened...cos i learnt alot outta it. Alot, alot, alot. Things that i'd never imagined i could learn...and it put many things into perspective.

I'm glad that i went through it...every part of it...and with each time i go through something, i will come out stronger than before :).

"The door was closed cos he knows better" stuck in my head. Sometimes a deal falls through, or when things just don't happen the way you want it to, it's because he knows better. Perhaps another door will open more doors for you, something better in store, and it's better to let go of this one as your turn will eventually come.

Sometimes you have to go through the pain, the agony and the heartwrenching moments in order to learn and come out of it in a better way.

Perhaps it just wasn't meant to be. Perhaps i don't deserve him at all.

Thinking back on what i've done for him, everything seems so small, so minor. At that point, i do think that i've been putting in alot of effort. But in comparison with what i've received, or what he's given for me, it seems like nothing much.

Perhaps i really don't deserve him. And i hope he eventually finds someone who does.

As for me now, i'm happy with how things are going now. Much self reflection and self improvement going on. Would like it to stay this way for some time :).

Was talking to ger and i realise what the things i think about...and the things im going through, seem extremely normal. Let it run its course...and things will be sorted out on their own.

So many people tell me so many different stories. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and i'm entitled to mine too. And since it's really affairs of my own, i guess i should know best..that is, once i'm able to see things clearly and sort things out.

And i do see that happening...seeing better, thinking better, feeling better.

Detailing these little little things in my faved blog also makes me feel a whole lot better, like getting a whole load of things off my chest. Shall continue to do that whenever i feel like it :).

allie ♥ 9:32 AM