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| Tuesday, September 22, 2009 |
If you follow the wrong star, my love will get you home. If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone, Get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home. Boy, my love will get you home. If the bright lights blinds your eyes, my love will get you home. If your troubles break your stride, my love will get you home. If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone, Get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home. Boy, my love will get you home. If you ever feel ashamed, my love will get you home. If its only you to blame, my love will get you home. If you ever find yourself, lost and all alone, Get back on your feet and think of me, my love will get you home. Boy, my love will get you home. Watching 唐心风暴today, I cried, tears streaming down my face. A scenario which resembles a real life one playing right before my eyes...yet the end is so dissimilar, foreign even. What's left are the ''what if's'' and ''if only's''...no reality, no truth. Feeling lost...so many things going through my head I feel like it's gonna explode. Who understands? The person who claimed he does, so many times, actually doesn't...not at all. You said I chose, and repeated what I chose. You're wrong...what you saw with your own two eyes aren't the truth...in fact, far from it. You told me to seek my happiness, what constitutes my happiness? You don't know. What makes me happy? A life that's carefree, with the person I love and whom I love there for me through thick and thin, through happy times, sad times, challenging times, growing and feeding off each other. A relaxed mind, spirit and soul, with clarify and conviction. A loving heart that's willing, compassionate and forgiving. Unfortunately, a person who's so close to me, knew so little about me. What did I choose? Not a religion, not a certain group of people, not a lifestyle, but a person. A person who's willing to be with me through thick and thin, happy and sad times. A person who understands and know my heart, my character, my strengths, my weaknesses. A person who makes me grow, allows me to grow, supporting me throughout. A person who's always there when I need, especially in trying and challenging times. A person who respects me as an individual, trusts me as a partner and loves me for who I am. Why am I so adamant? Because I can't see that person...not anymore. The more you tell me, the more you try to convince me, the more you try to sway me in a certain direction, all these acts against the principles of the person I chose. Moreover, a person who doesn't listen to me...merely confirms my own 'importance' in his life. The things you said, might be true. No one knows what exists and what doesn't. People go by sight, believe what they see more than what they can't. You are adamant about your own choice, I respect that, which is why i never argued against your point, just kept repeating my own feelings, views and opinions. If you recall, I never argued against your stand, never bothered. Two reasons - one, you'd never listen to me and two, it doesn't matter cos you're fully entitled to your own views. You said you understood me for repeating...now on hindsight, do you? Conclusion was made based by sight, as it's been rightly pointed out by you, you can't trust me, not at all. You may be right, that I'm silly to believe in what I believe. One day, who knows, I might find that all this is just a lie. But till then, do you know? You said you don't...then why be so adamant about it? Yes, it's your choice. Even if I die, it doesn't change anything, it doesn't change how you think and your decision. This is the killer line...just shows how much I mean to you. It's strangely funny that people love to act superior when they claim to have certain 'knowledge' over others. What does knowledge do? Does it make them better people? Does it cause them to make better decisions? We all feel that it does. Even in believing, the knowledge that things cannot appear from thin air, it must come from somewhere, led us to believe that God created us. The tree of knowledge vs the tree of life...it's a neverending debate...and a non-conclusive one. At which point does knowledge end and life start? When that point is found, that's when true 'life' starts... I always found it humbling when people admit mistakes, admit they're wrong, admit they're responsible even when they aren't. The willingness to give up their so-called 'face' for their lower-placed subordinates, for their spouses, for their children, for love, is humbling. There's no glory in submitting to the strong (they won you hands-down anyway, what's so difficult about it) but there's glory in submitting to the weak or those lesser than you. It takes true humility and a big heart to do that. Mind you, I never said I was any of those above. I'm not. I'm far away from the person I ought to be...and the person I want to be. In the show, it was a struggle to tell someone that he's forgiven. And with every minute those words are held in the heart, there's no release. You are forgiven, I don't hate you. Like you said, it's tiring to hate...and it is. In the show, he said he was the one who never understood how much he hurt her. No one will understand how much I was hurt in the process. Day-by-day accounts on the moments that passed without her...the memories, the love still lingers... Haha...it's just a show. I'm being my usual dreamy and melancholic self again. Shall stop here and continue in my dream world....goodnite... |
| allie ♥ 10:39 PM |
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